For the past few weeks, I feel like I’ve been living in the twilight zone, a place between a nightmare and waking life.
Last Friday, one of my work mentors asked me how I was doing. I wrestled with how to answer: Do I answer truthfully? Do I give a partial truth? Do I create something sugar-coated and more palatable for a simple workplace check-in?
After rethinking how the first month of 2025 unfolded: from a terrorist attack in New Orleans in the early hours of 2025 that claimed the lives of 14 victims; the LA fires that have caused immense destruction and death; a president taking office and immediately wreaking havoc through tons of racist, homophobic, and overall just bigoted mandates; and an airplane and helicopter colliding near DCA, causing the tragic loss of 67 lives in an instant—I was overwhelmed, tired, and just decided to tell the truth.
I responded, “ I’m existing. I decided to compartmentalize my emotions about the world and just try to focus on work, when I’m at work. I know that’s probably not the most ideal coping mechanism, but I felt like it’s been the only way to get through the past few weeks. I still have tons of due dates, and my clients…even though they are federal employees…kept pushing and didn’t slow down on anything. So, I just decided that I’d do the same. It’s weird; I feel like we’re all just treading water, trying to stay afloat day after day. I feel outside my body sometimes. Like I’m working and getting apparently good work done, but I’m not really here. I’ve been using fiction books and digital art as a form of escapism after work, so that’s helped. I also restarted in-person therapy this week. So that’s how I am.”
After putting words to my feelings, it made sense why I’ve been feeling the way I have. I’m also aware of my risk to spiral into another state of high-functioning depression. I’m trying to find a respite through my blog, that’s why I am writing this today. I hope if you’re reading this and feeling the same, that you try to prioritize yourself this week. Try to do something to ground yourself in this twilight zone—this seemingly untethered waking nightmare that many of us are experiencing.
So, here’s to collectively trying to make sense of life right now—or not.
Here’s to finding internal peace by pouring into ourselves.
Here’s to taking a break from social media if you need it.
Oh, and if you’re Blackity-Black like me: Here’s to finding joy and strength in celebrating Black History Month—because no matter what, our history is American History and will never be erased.
Until next time,
Get well. Be well. Stay well.
Lauren ♥