the ostrich: sticking my head in the sand.

Lately I have been feeling like a failure. I have been struggling to keep my commitments, I haven’t been wanting to get up to start new days, and I have been letting life just happen but not being an active participant in it. Sometimes when you are dealing with depression, it literally feels like you are riding a bucking bull in a rodeo. You have days where you have the stamina and agility to weather the ride, and sometimes you fall off and just want to stay on the ground.

I’ve been camping out on the ground lately.

Ever since I started my blog, I had this overwhelming sense of gratitude and happiness in myself. “Yes girl, you finally did it” I would say to myself. I felt like I was ready to take on the world. Then I would have a bad day, and that bad day turned into a bad week, the bad week turned into a couple of bad weeks, then a whole month. Now, I’m so behind on posting that I feel like I am failing people and I am failing myself.

Then I become…the ostrich.

When I feel overwhelmed with life, I put my head in the sand. It was believed that ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they are trying to hide from predators. It’s funny because burying their heads in a pile of sand doesn’t magically deter the predators from trying to get them. They are still clearly visible to a predator, even if they can’t see the predator themselves. Interestingly enough, ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand, it’s a misconception. Ironically enough, this idea of burying my head in the sand feels like the best thing to do when I’m feeling like shit. So I do it. But we are all well aware that this will not magically make my problems go away.

I have to stand up and face them.

I woke up this morning and felt so heavy. So, I did the things that I have been dreading to do recently. I decided to pray and I decided to write. During my time praying, I got three words I wanted to share with you:

DISCIPLINE. CONSISTENCY. ROUTINE.

I tried to put them all together to make some sort of sense and got this:

Discipline yourself to stay consistent by building a routine.

So, my goal over the next few days is to figure out how to operationalize this statement. If you have tangible tips on how to build routines, I welcome your input in the comments. I know that I am not the only one feeling this way. So, my hope is that we can help each other by building better routines so that when we are riding this bucking bull in a rodeo, we’ll have the tools we need to weather the ride, versus falling off and sticking our heads in the sand. I also know that previous sentence was waaaay too long, but bear with me. I’m trying to get it together.

Until next time,

Get well. Be well. Stay well.

Lauren ♥