the escapist.

Escapism.

New Years Eve 2020 I partook in a Burning Bowl service. (In short, this process requires you to write out a list of things that you want to release and then physically burn it to symbolize the process of releasing it (or shred it into a million pieces if you aren’t comfortable using actual fire). So for this exercise, we were tasked with writing out things that we wanted to leave in 2020. Let me tell you now, I had a whole laundry list of items, mmkay? One of the words on my list that stuck with me the most though was this:

Escapism.

Oddly enough, I remember first hearing the word from one of my past dudes. He basically said, “I consider myself an escapist.” I had no idea what that was. He then loosely defined an escapist as a person who constantly seeks to involve themself in activities or experiences that allow them to escape from the present reality. (That should’ve been red flag #1 that an actual relationship between us wouldn’t work. Haha.) But back to the original focus of this post…

Escapism. 

According to the American Psychological Association, this term, a noun, is officially defined as

“the tendency to escape from the real world to the delight or security of a fantasy world. Escapism may reflect a periodic, normal, and common impulse, as might be seen in harmless daydreams, or it may be evidence of or accompany symptoms of neurosis or more serious mental pathology [i.e. mild mental disorder to severe mental disease].”

This explanation is basically my favorite movie Inception completely summed up, with a bow on top. Dreams were a way to escape the pain of their reality. (Side note, if you saw the end of the movie, Cobb’s totem DID start wobbling to come to a complete stop at the end, so he wasn’t dreaming. Don’t debate me. LOL.)

But seriously, looking at that definition, whether we want to admit it or not, we are all at some point in our lives seeking to escape something. So, it’s not really a question of if, but why. 

Why do we seek to escape? 

What feeling or memory are we running from, or better yet trying to chase? 

Do you even know what you are using to escape?

My choice was alcohol. At my lowest points, I used to drink until I felt numb. Being drunk was a way to ignore what I was unhappy about, mask my insecurities, slide my unresolved trauma deeply under that perfectly positioned rug, and find a place to be free—a place I struggled to find in my sober state. When I look at mental illness, it doesn’t surprise me why depression is often co-occurring with substance use disorders. People are just looking to be free from pain, however that may present itself.

I write all this to say, I’m still struggling. I may not be throwing back drinks or shots like I’m still in college…partly because my 31 year old body is like “chiillleee please” now…but until I completely resolve my issues, I’ll keep looking for some way to escape, you know? I write this post not to bash, clearly, but to encourage you to take some time and evaluate how you may be negatively using escapism in your own life. As a disclaimer, I don’t think all forms of escapism are bad. You can escape in art, reading a book, writing, traveling the world, etc. In essence, all I’m saying is this: Escape if you need to, but make it positive.

So, be kind to your body. Resolve your trauma. Find your joy. Be more present.

If you or someone you know is suffering from substance abuse, please click here for links to relevant resources and help.

Until next time,

Get well. Be well. Stay well.

Lauren ♥