the uncertainty: a story of resilience

I think most people assume I have my stuff together professionally. Let me clue you in on something — I don’t. 🤣

Me

I remember way back when I was in high school (shoutout to all my Paxon Eagles reading this post) I was voted “Most Likely To Succeed” alongside my classmate Het Patel. To give you a better visual of our superlative yearbook photo, we posted up on a brick wall at school, put our shades on, and fanned a stack of the most pristine, crisp Monopoly money you’ve ever seen in your life. *cues Cashflow by Ace Hood*

Well, I just looked up Het on LinkedIn while writing this post. He’s a Senior Transit Planner at City of Raleigh Municipal Government. If that doesn’t sound like a success, I don’t know what is. Myself on the other hand, at the beginning of March, suddenly went from a full-time consultant to a part-time hourly contractor. I don’t know about you, but that wasn’t really giving me the “Most Likely to Succeed” vibes I was voted for.

I still remember the slightly dumbfounded look I had, while on video camera, when my supervisor told me the news. He attributed it to the company not having enough government contracts to support my full-time salary. All I heard was “failure, failure, failure”. Regardless of the reason, I was faced with the decision that so many of us have faced since the pandemic started. I had lost my primary source of income and had no idea what to do. Furthermore, I was struggling with an identity I formed during childhood, linking my “success” (according to societal standards) to my value as an individual. That’s a whole post for another day, but I was really faced with the decision to sink or muster up some resiliency and bounce back.

Long story short…I flailed a little, cried a lot, stuck my head in the sand, hid under the covers, tried to find a way to escape reality, doubted myself/my abilities, and questioned all my next moves…but learned how to be resilient. Which, to be honest, is why I’m writing this post today.

In proper fashion, here are some things I learned during my journey that might help if you’re in a similar place of learning to flex your resiliency muscle:

1. No one can cheerlead you to your next level, you really have to make the decision to go after what you want and DO THE WORK to achieve it.
2. Doors will forcibly shut on you to redirect your life.
3. Piggybacking off of #2, one door closing usually means another one is opening.
4. Staying ready so you don’t have to get ready isn’t just a cute saying, it literally needs to be a mindset as you learn to be more resilient.
5. What may be disguised as “failure” in one area of your life (not equal sign) YOU are a failure.
6. Piggybacking off of #5, don’t allow your professional gains to define who you are as a person.
7. Building your resiliency takes time, so don’t expect yourself to get it overnight but also don’t give yourself the permission to remain stagnant indefinitely.

Whew chile. Just typing those out made me really reflect on everything I’ve been through the past 2 months and realize that I actually learned something and grew a lot, lol. Anywho, I hope these random thoughts of mine help you.

Until next time (which is actually next week, ya girl is officially 1 out of 5 on these May blog posts lol),

Get well. Be well. Stay well.

Lauren ♥